20 Bad DVDs No Collection Should Be Without
#20 - #11
Bad movies on DVD are dime a dozen, but a good bad movie is a rare, special find. And so, in an effort to help you separate the golden shit from the regular shit as you browse the aisles, we've compiled a list of 20 bad movies you just have to own on DVD. Call a couple friends over, pop in any one of these discs, and you've got yourself an instant party!
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
CATEGORY: Face the Music
Nowadays, you add the phrase "Electric Boogaloo" to the end of any sequel title to alchemize instant comic gold. But admit it: you used to think this movie was soooooo cool. Breakdancing and community revival and jean jackets and Shaba-Doo were the shiznit before the word was even invented. You wanted to hang out at Miracles, you cheered when they reached the top of their giant fund- raising thermometer against all odds, you tried emulating O- Zone's moves on your street and just ended up skinning your knee. To laugh at this movie is to laugh at oneself, and there is no thing nobler on this Earth.
Dead-Alive
CATEGORY: The Jackson Collection
Not everyone buys into the theory of "camp," i.e. movies that are intentionally "bad," but Dead-Alive stands right next to Re-Animator and Evil Dead 2 as monuments of B-movie horror high camp. After being bitten by a horrible stop-motion rat-monkey, Our Hero's mother turns into a zombie, and he still decides to take care of her. Eventually, Our Hero's lovely home is over-run by zombies, and he has to take a lawn-mower to the undead masses to soak the sound-stage in buckets and buckets and buckets of blood. The climax is inexplicable, as Our Hero is apparently consumed by his mother's voracious demon womb, after narrowly escaping one of the coolest intestine puppets you'll ever see in your life.
Munchie!
CATEGORY: Kids' Fare Gone Wrong
Not to be confused with MunchieS (note the S!), the Gremlins rip-off about little ugly puppets who live in the toilet.wait, that was Ghoulies. Er, or was it Critters? Er, well, whatever, Munchie is not a horror movie or Gremlins rip- off at all, at least in the usual sense of the word. It's a kids' movie! Munchie, who looks a lot like the crazy feral HoneyComb Cereal Creature, is voiced by Dom Deluise and is a RADICAL friend who delivers flying pizza and will make you the coolest kid in school. He also screws up your mother's relationship with her new stupid-head boyfriend. What a jerk- face!
Cane Toads: An Unnatural History
CATEGORY: Bizarre/Baffling
This 1987 documentary appears to be the usual PBS/Discovery Channel fodder, a "don't mess with nature" cautionary tale about farmers in Australia that imported giant amphibians called Cane Toads from Hawaii in order to quash a plague of beetles that were eating their crops. The result: the Cane Toads multiplied exponentially and caused their own, much worse infestation. But the documentary goes way beyond the scope of ecological disaster, as the filmmakers spend most of their time probing local corn-fed townsfolk for their feelings on how randy the toads are and lewd descriptions like to stack up on top of each other in order to have hot toad sex. Local monuments like "The Dog on the Tucker Box" are explored. Weird, baffling, and quite hard to believe it's real.
They Live!
CATEGORY: The Horror!
From Attack of the Killer Tomatoes to The Stuff, the 80s were filled with B-grade science-fiction movies bearing bold anti-consumerism and anti-establishment messages. And no science-fiction message was so bold or obvious as John Carpenter's They Live!, an oft- overanalyzed Roddy Rowdy Piper-piloted vehicle about elite aliens that can only be seen when you put on a special pair of ultracool shades. Pretty awesome, no? It's sort of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers of its time, only instead of knocking McCarthyism, it trains its line of sight on the politics of the Reagan administration. Bonus points for featuring one of the longest sequences of unarmed combat in movie history.
Vamp
CATEGORY: Baffling/Bizarre
This movie is pretty much a poster-child for all that we, the people of the 21st century, mock, deride, and secretly love: neon; horrible 80s music (by one of the members of Duran Duran); lots of preening, pretentious Anne Rice-y "rock" vampires who choose to rest among the very thing that can destroy them; and an undead mute stripper in clown make- up played by that Amazon goddess of the silver screen, Grace Jones. It's glam-tastic, out of touch by its whacked 80s standards, and a good potential theme for next year's group Halloween costume.
Purple Rain
CATEGORY: Face the Music
Recently caught this one at a midnight movie sing-along hosted by drag queens, and I gotta tell you, it's a fantastic film for a group of drunk, rowdy people. The costumes are awesome (So many frills! So much eyeliner!) and the songs are ones everyone knows and recognizes. The fight scenes between Prince, his mother, and his father are hilarious despite their best intentions to be gut-wrenching. The best moment, however, is when Prince gives his girlfriend a nice big slap to the face, because, well, maybe he is just like his father.too bold. Bonus points because Prince never plays raunchy rock masterpiece "Darlin' Nicky" anymore in concert due to his recent spiritual re- awakening.
Bad Taste
CATEGORY: The Jackson Collection
Before winning Oscars and becoming a revered film icon and cine-literary treasure, Peter Jackson was a B-movie demigod. In fact, not one, but two of his movies (keep reading) are on this list of essential crap classics. The plot: aliens come from space to turn the inhabitants of a small town into food for their intergalactic fast food franchise. It's gory, gross, super-duper low-budget, and oh yeah, Peter Jackson's actually fights himself through the magic of "special" effects. The line between "intentionally awful" and "actually awful" is blurry indeed.
The Ewok Adventures
CATEGORY: Kids' Fare Gone Wrong
Lucasfilm created not one, but two made-for-television movies about everyone's least favorite thing about Star Wars (at least until Episode I), and holy shit, they're available on DVD! The Caravan of Courage and Battle for Endor are clearly meant for kids to cherish, but both are best enjoyed by those who think a special place in Hell is reserved for Ewoks and child actors. Here, you get both of them in spades, as our furry, fun-loving friends help two lost children find their parents. Among the first examples of George Lucas's vision for his "expanded" Star Wars universe, both these films somehow still failed to clue us in as to how disappointed we'd be in the next Star Wars trilogy. "Magical," "enchanting," and best viewed with a reserve of pent-up aggression. Yub nub!
Zardoz
CATEGORY: Bizarre/Baffling
If you're looking for an example of where the re-election of George W. Bush will inevitably steer our country, look no further than Zardoz, in which a giant right-wing stone god head proclaims, "Guns are good! The penis is bad!" before vomiting weapons upon a neutered, stone-god-head- fearing populace. This shining example of 70s pretense and excess features Sean Connery, unshaven and in a loincloth, as one of the aforementioned penis-bearers, who goes on a quest to find out the truth about the giant stone head and winds up bringing down a race of bored, sexy youth addicts. The strange conundrum of Zardoz, however, isn't its impenetrable plot or baffling self-righteousness: it's the fact that you can secretly admire its loony message even as you incessantly mock it, making it perfect for large groups of people and intimate solo viewings.
